Why Remi Tinubu Cannot Grant Akara and Kuli Kuli
By Elempe Dele
All the over 200 million Nigerians; women, men and youth who were born with silver spoon and are doing well in the Infotech, Fintech and the Artificial Intelligence, AI, sectors cannot allow the First Lady, Senator Remi Tinubu, to further the policy of giving grants to people who are in the Medium Small and Medium Scale, MSME, bracket of selling akara and kwili kwili because there are no citizens within this bracket. The claim that there are citizens within that strata is not true, it is imaginative and performative.
How can the first lady think we are all blind to the fact that instead of akara, we have always had cakes instead of akara, and instead of kuli kuli, we have always had cracker biscuits? Who are the ghost women selling imaginary akara in the mornings with akamu that some said have been used to train graduates and built houses?
What exactly is the economic value of kuli kuli, and what did it represent when we were going to school in the 70s 80s, and 90s when the economy was as harsh as it is today?
Senator Remi cannot tell us there is an economic transformation plan with the concept of handing market women that are imaginery grant to buy beans and groundnuts for akara and kuli kuli.
If you believe this, that means you also believe that the MSME actually exist, that not everyone is working in Dangote Refinery, Moniepoint, ExxonMobil, the Presidency, Zenith Bank and the American Embassy.
You must be a container economist to think that MSMEs exist.
What really is kuli kuli or akara? Are they supposed to be Kellogg’s corn flakes, noodles, bearded hair, can beans, a dance move, or an egghead? What exactly are they? These names sound like some alien from the film, Wizard of Oz.
We are talking about macro-economics interactions like the GDP, Inflation, Unemployment, Trade Balance and Interest Rates, the First Lady is talking about micro-economics of supply and demand of akara and kuli kuli consumptions. Who cares about that irrelevant sector where no citizen is involved?
The eye-watering grant and flagship grant Senator Remi talked about sounds like a food raffle draw meant for the poor and homeless.
Do we have any of the poor in the country?
Why should the First lady be proposing serious fiscal policy that will be named after an empowerment scheme like akara and kuli kuli? Imagine headlines like, “IMF-Supported Akara Empowerment Program,” or, “FG-Assisted Hausa Kuli Kuli Enrichment Policy.” These sounds parochial and mundane.
All Nigerian women; in Igbudu, Oba, New Benin, Ojota and Pesu Markets are all CEOs of multinationals, they dont need grants for akara or kuli kuli. What they need are Business-to-Business, Market-to-Market, Logistics, AI Applications and Worldwide Economics certifications in Harvard and Cambridge.
Even when they run supply chains, sit on corner stools mornings and evenings to sell to average customers, manage credits, feed their entire streets, I do not think it is kind for Remi to show up wearing glasses to tell them, “madam, please take this akara grant, you will not need to pay back.”
Their ambitions dont end in frying beans and making akamu for the drivers, okada riders, mechanics, bricklayers and students.
They still need to further their education to Harvard and Cambridge. Giving them grants will detain them on those old stools, I must confess. Who says a sixty year old mama cannot learn coding? These women even want to scale on export capacities and Remi is coming with crumbs as grants, who does that?
Senator Remi cannot think she can give akara and kuli kuli vibe to well over 200 million well-educated and highly sophisticated citizens who all have always been gainfully employed in white collar jobs. Ok, let us assume, our mamas want to take the grants for fun, who will they be able to track them?
How will they be able to do Economic Impact Assessement of the grants? Will the KPI be, “did she fry? Did people eat the kuli? Was mission accomplished? You see why it cannot work?
What I can see in this grant innitiative is optics versus real outcomes. Even if the grants are given, it will be for poverty cosplay – a portmanteau of deception.
Where will the women be storing their left over akara and kuli kuli? How will they be accessing major international markets to sell their akaras? Will the akaras be hot forever for consumption?
They need fridges, silver-coloured granding machines, buses for transportation to markets, police orderlies and jets for flights. What about marketing strategies? Will they be on TikTok, X, WhatsApp and Instagram? All these must be factored.
